I know it’s been a while since I blogged. I am sorry. I’ve been tangled up in more than one way lately, and that’s the simplest way to put it.
I’m torn. On one hand, I’m an extremely private person–there’s a lot of that part of me in Kai Fox–but on the other, I’m also paradoxically very honest. I really don’t like lying. I think being increasingly involved with Deaf people has also made me more blunt. I see even less of a point in not just coming right out and saying something. (Not that I am mean; I’m not.)
The funny thing is, as much as I like to be “honest,” being so private means that I have to lie quite a bit. It’s never a huge lie, like, if someone asks me where I’m going and I’m going home and I lie and say I’m going to Paris. It’s all the little lies. The, “I’m fine,” lies, because you can’t bring yourself to have to explain why you’re not fine. Though, amusingly enough, lately I’ve found myself responding honestly to the question of “Are you OK?” with a “Not really.”
Even so, even when those who are closest to me want to know why I’m not OK, I struggle to elaborate. Sometimes it’s because I genuinely don’t fully know–anyone who’s experienced depression knows sometimes you’re just sad for no real reason–but most of the time it’s because it’s too involved to explain (Kai showing through again!) or because I’ve been conditioned to believe that my “reasons” for feeling the way I do aren’t legitimate, or aren’t good enough. So it’s isolating. It’s one of the reasons I write, especially In/Exhale, to try to express all the chaos in my mind that I feel I can’t otherwise.
My point is, I’m sorry for those of you who are still waiting on the S2 ebook; it really is 98% done. I’m also sorry that I wasn’t able to get S3 started yet. I honestly don’t know when it’ll be ready. It keeps getting bigger and crazier and I find myself writing three or four different unrelated scenes at once and can’t always see the forest for the trees. I had hoped to get a Christmas episode up, but I’m not sure if that’ll happen.
Right now, I’m hoping to be much more productive in 2015 than I was in 2014. I’m hoping that I’ll get S3 up in the spring, and that I’ll finish drafts of Az Monster and Five Minutes to Midnight, and maybe also UnDeniable. I’m also hoping I’ll be able to post regularly here, even if it’s only a small little thing.
Though I will continue to be active on Twitter and Pinterest, so you can always see me there, too.
I do want to give a big thank you to my loyal fans who drop me notes on social media or forums, because sometimes that’s a boost of encouragement I really need.
Best wishes to all of you for 2015, and thank you again for all your support.
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